Joe is offering a $10,000 reward to anyone who finds him a girlfriend that he ends up dating for at least 4 months. He is also offering $2,000 if you introduce him to someone else who introduces him to a woman. So if you share this post, and your friend ends up setting him up with someone she knows, that friend will get $10,000 and you will get the $2,000. This is a multi-level marketing scheme at its finest.

Intro

So, I’m all about “hacks” and I’m trying a new hack to find a long-term girlfriend. This is an experiment to see if I can find a quality woman through this unconventional way. Most hacks don’t end up working, but they are worth a shot.

I’m pretty serious about paying whoever successfully sets me up – you can take it to the bank!

I will be following up to let people know how this experiment pans out! Wish me luck!!!

My Background

My life has been an interesting ride thus far. I grew up with a lot of disadvantages, but have overcome them.

I grew up relatively poor, in a single parent home, without an education, in a completely isolated culture, and with chronic health issues that affected my ability to accomplish anything or function well.

When I graduated high school, I decided the first thing I needed to figure out was my spiritual life – particularly if I wanted to be Jewish. I grew up in an Ultra-Orthodox community, which had a massive impact on all aspects of my life.

I spent more than a year and a half in Israel studying religious texts. Shortly after I came back to the States, I decided that religion wasn’t for me. At this time, I was still embedded in the Orthodox Jewish world. Actually, I had never had more than a superficial or short-term encounter with anyone who wasn’t Jewish until the age of 27. That’s how culturally isolated I was.

When I was in college, I realized my academic skills were non-existent. My reading and writing were at an 8th-grade level.

So, my focus from 20-23 was to improve my academic abilities. I succeeded at this. I improved my verbal skills, logical reasoning, math, writing, and general knowledge of the world.

I graduated college with a 4.0 and scored in the 99th percentile on the GREs.

At 23, my main goal in life was to find internal happiness. I searched around and realized that a ‘Zen’ attitude was most suitable for me and used it as a framework to live my life. After a long period of self-evaluation and meditation, I was able to be more at peace with myself.

At 25, chronic health issues caught up with me. I was suffering from crippling fatigue, low motivation, gut problems, and general inflammation. Doctors were useless. I took it upon myself to understand the body inside and out and how it interacted with our environment.

At 27, I fully cured all of my health issues and learned quite a lot of biology and health from my research. I was taking pre-med courses from 25-27 while I was fixing my issues, in order to get a PhD.

I figured out that academia wasn’t for me, so I decided to pursue my passion and work full time on SelfHacked and other ventures.

My main goal was to build a successful business that helped people, while also bringing a good income for myself.

About a year ago, I came out of a long-term relationship with an absolutely wonderful woman who I admire a lot, but we weren’t meant to be.

Six months ago, I felt like my businesses stabilized and were successful enough that I could then settle down and be comfortable.

Now, at the age of 30 (born 03/1987), my main goal in life has turned to finding a long-term companion. I don’t think we’re designed to live life alone.

I had assumed that if I’m a kind and easy-going person with little mental baggage, and was financially successful, it shouldn’t be too hard to date someone that I’d be interested in, given that I’m not bad looking. However, reality smacked me in the face, and I realized I needed to ‘hack’ my dating life.

What I Have Tried So Far

Leaving no stone unturned, I went on every dating platform out there and literally went through every match within a 30-mile radius. The apps started saying “there is no one left in your area.”

Thinking I might be doing something wrong, I even paid 2 different girls to do the online and app dating for me. No luck.

I approached women on the street. I tried out bars and venues, activities, meetups and other events. No luck.

I got a whole new wardrobe, started working out, bought a new Benz, bought furniture and gadgets to make my room look cool, became more extroverted, got lasik, and more. I ended up attracting the wrong types of women that I wasn’t interested in anyway.

I’ve now realized that I will probably meet someone eventually, but it could take 5-10 years and a lot of effort. But do I really want to be alone for the next 5 years?

Dating was making me much less productive. I went from working 60-65 hours a week to 35-40 hours a week in the past 6 months. I’d rather not spend 25 hours a week looking for women to date. I have no issue spending time with a woman that I like, but the chase itself is not something I intrinsically enjoy, so I’d rather outsource that part, if possible.

If it’s a choice between chasing women or my business, I’m gonna spend that time building my business and helping people by making great products. My time is the bottleneck in a lot of projects that I want to start and complete. However, if I like someone, then that radically changes the equation in terms of where I spend my time.

I came to the conclusion that there are 2 efficient ways I can meet someone. I can either change dating markets because the southern California dating market is brutal. NYC is actually quite good compared to southern California. If a woman is looking for a good looking guy, there are 6’3 models all over the place. If they are looking for wealth, billionaires roam the streets. SoCal values money and materialism, whereas the Northeast values intelligence more.

If women are looking for personality, then quality women usually find guys within their social circles and are often taken at an early age. I have limited social circles in southern California because I only recently moved here.

The best market for me would be Israel. I was seriously considering moving, but I thought it could be an impediment for growing my businesses, so I’ve put that plan on hold. And I’d still like to exhaust all of the options in the States.

Then I thought… Wait, I get a lot of traffic through this website. If I advertise here, I can have a broad reach. I figured if I offer a monetary reward for people to set me up, then that reach will exponentially expand the number of people who see this post. And if I offer a monetary reward for someone who refers me to someone who sets me up, that will create an even broader reach.

So I’m trying this out to see how it goes. Compared to the value of a long-term companion, $10,000 is relatively little. In terms of ROI, it’ll probably be the best investment of my life.

Terms & Conditions

  • Anyone is eligible to set me up, I don’t need to know you. Share this post with your friends and you will win the money if I end up dating one of them.
  • If you share it with a friend who ends up setting me up with someone, you will still get paid $2,000 and the person who directly set me up will get the $10,000.
  • The woman must be either in Southern California or be willing to live in Southern California (I don’t do long distance dating).
  • The dating timeframe is only counting the time that she is physically in southern California. If she comes here for 1 month, leaves for 3 months and comes back 3 months later, that’s not counted as 4 months of dating.
  • If the girl herself finds me and is not referred by anyone, I will give her the option of either donating the $10,000 to the charity of her choice or using it to travel with her to the place of her choosing.
  • If I am forced to move from SoCal in order to date someone, then there is no reward.  The point of the reward is to find someone in SoCal.

What if she’s not based in Southern California?

  • If she’s not based in Southern California, I’m willing to pay for her plane ticket and Airbnb. If she can’t afford to be here, I’m willing to pay for her expenses while she’s here.
  • If she’s worried about finding a job, I will support her until she finds a suitable job here.
  • If she’s not ready to move ‘now,’ I’m still willing to chat briefly and see if we have chemistry – and then date when she is able to move.
  • I don’t mind flying to see her if she’s in a place that I plan to visit anyway – mainly NYC and Israel, but if I get enough matches, any city is fair game.
  • If she’s a great catch, I would fly out to see her if her life situation does not allow her to travel at the moment.
  • I’d be willing to move to any location with good weather (such as Israel or Florida) if I thought with high confidence that my soulmate was there and she couldn’t leave for a good reason, but I prefer to live in SoCal. I would live in a place like Australia, but the issue is citizenship.
  • If I find my soulmate and she isn’t from this country, I will get a Visa for her and marry her if need be to keep her in the country.

What I’m looking for in a woman…

It’s my job to select qualified applicants for a job, so I do a lot of psychology research in order to understand people better and build models for which personality traits would fit well with our organization.

I applied this research to my dating life and made a list of “requirements” and “plusses”.

These requirements aren’t because I think I’m so great, it’s because I realized it’s what would allow me to be happy with someone in the long term. I’ve tried to date women who were missing these requirements and it didn’t work out. The plusses are not absolute requirements, but if someone had them, it would be a bonus.

At the end of the day, the only thing I care about is being with someone that I’m passionate about, appreciate, and respect. The list goes out of the window when I meet such a person, no matter what their traits are. It’s more of a guide for the woman so that she knows which traits I tend to value the most, and we’re both less likely to waste our time.

Requirements

I’m using some terms here that are scientific in nature, so if it sounds a bit weirder than it is. 🙂

See 10 aspects of the “Big 5” personality traits.

Open-minded and easy going are more everyday expressions of certain facets of Agreeableness and Openness.

Plusses

These are not requirements, but I notice that I get along better with women who are:

  • Into health
  • Self-aware
  • Funny
  • Warm
  • Direct/Blunt
  • Not materialistic
  • Good cuddlers
  • Jewish

Other

I’m looking for someone who:

  • Doesn’t have kids (requirement)
  • Wants to settle down
  • Preferably wants kids
  • Preferably between 20-30
  • Preferably under 5’9 (I’m 5’9)

My preferred age range is 30 or below because I’d like to start having kids in about 5 years. I prefer women who are 20 or over for reasons related to psychological maturity, but if she is very mature for her age, then 18 or over is fine.

What I Don’t Care About

Although I’m secular, I don’t care if a girl is religious as long as she doesn’t push her views on me. I have a ‘live and let live’ attitude and I’m not judgmental about what people believe or what they practice.

I also don’t care if someone is divorced.

About Joe: Abridged Version

I’d like to think that I possess the traits that I’m looking for in a woman. Other people have told me I do, but there’s only one way to find out. 🙂

I’d like to think that I’m intelligent, kind, easy-going, even-keeled, authentic, positive, and honest.

I tend to always push the bounds of or poke at social conventions, mainly for the entertainment value it brings me.

I have almost no shame and live my life as if the concept of embarrassment didn’t exist.

I’m direct and not very politically correct, as you can see from this post.

Joe’s Ancestry

Joe’s Hobbies

In my free time, I like:

  • Physical activities such as hiking, volleyball, tennis, surfing, etc.
  • Traveling
  • Meeting new and interesting people
  • Anything challenging or competitive

Joe’s Music Preferences

Steps to Date Joe

  1. Send profiles/links/facebook/etc. to my assistant [email protected] or just have her directly befriend me on Facebook. She can tell me where she found me. Even if you just shared the post on your Facebook or in a Facebook group, you will still get the reward.
  2. Take cognitive tests, to be administered through our automated testing system.
  3. 1 video call if not local or meet up if local.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this a joke?

Only the part about cognitive tests. While we give them to potential employees, I don’t give them to potential dates. 🙂

The rest is serious and you will be paid if you set me up.

Why is it hard for Joe to find a date?

If you ask around, most women meet guys through social circles, school, or work. The problem is, as I mentioned, my social circles in southern California are limited, I’m not in school, and it’s not a good practice to date your employees.

I grew up Orthodox and in NYC and went to all boys schools throughout my life. I now live in Orange County (next to LA). It will take a very long time to build up social circles because I don’t think most of the people around here are down to earth or genuine.

I just grew up in a very different culture. In Israel or NY, it’s relatively easy for me to make new friends because people are more authentic and have personalities more suited to me.

I moved here purely for the weather. If you’re next to the coast, in the summer it doesn’t go above 80 degrees generally and in the winter it doesn’t go below 65 (avg high 68). It doesn’t rain much and there are no mosquitos. I chose Orange County because the air is cleaner and it’s less congested than LA.

I also live in somewhat of a retirement community here because it had the cleanest air in SoCal (Capistrano beach, just south of Laguna Beach)… but then I realized that it’s removed from people. I will be moving to Newport Beach where there are more people so, hopefully, that will change something.

Southern California can be very materialistic and superficial. Many women here are looking for guys who are 6’3 and models. That’s not me, on both accounts. They are looking for very conventional guys. This post would freak out almost any girl from here.

My health-focused lifestyle is often a deal-breaker for some 🙂

On the other hand, Jewish/Israeli girls often appreciate when a guy is a bit unconventional. I guess it’s not a surprise that 90% of the messages I’m getting are from Jewish girls.

Finding dates online is tough because everyone is lying about themselves and there’s no way to stick out. If you say you’re an ‘entrepreneur,’ you join the other 99 guys who are broke and using that term because it sounds better than ‘unemployed.’

My biggest problem with dating is getting on enough dates with women that I’m interested in. However, once I get on the date, it generally goes well. After 6 months of looking, I went on only a handful of dates.

I am selective, but I don’t think I’m unreasonable.

Does the woman need to be Jewish?

No. I personally don’t care, but my family does, so it’s a plus, but not a requirement.

How can I find Joe’s Facebook profile?

Here it is.

Why the need to date Joe for 4 months?

For 2 reasons:

  1. That’s how long it can take for Joe to get to know someone.
  2. To protect against people who just date him for the reward.

Is Joe crazy?

Stupid question – yes. Did you not see this dating ad?

Is Joe a Narcissist or a Sociopath?

No, I am just trying to find someone to date that I like. I’m put in a tricky situation of trying to attract someone, which requires some self-promotion, but not seem like a douche bag. Not sure how to navigate these waters.

Does Joe have Asperger’s or Autism?

A lot of people are commenting about this. No, but I tend to disregard, not care about, or flout social or political conventions, so some people think I have some tendencies. It’s more of an INTJ thing, if ya ask me.

Does Joe view women as a list of traits or objects?

Absolutely not. I try to respect all people, including women.

When I meet someone, I don’t see them as a list of traits. I am more interested in how we vibe.

I don’t think chemistry is ever predictable before meeting.

However, there are some fundamental traits that I know I tend to respect and get along with well over the long term. So, I think it’s important to put those out there and try to attract someone with those traits.

Doesn’t this take all the or romance out of an interaction?

Ideally, I’d be more interested in something spontaneous. Nothing that’s too planned out is exciting to me. It’s the unexpected that excites. I like letting nature take its course.

Although I’m naturally conscientious, the Zen concept of living your life in as spontaneous a way as possible resonates with me.

Actually, you get increased dopamine when positive events are unexpected.

However, there is a place for matchmakers, and I think democratizing the matchmaking process might yield positive results.

I’m a believer that whom you date or marry is the biggest decision that one makes in life.

Why would someone move for Joe if he’s not that great?

I don’t expect anyone to move for me. I expect to be set up with someone from Southern California or someone who wants to move here.

Next Steps if This Doesn’t Work…

Move to Israel.

Big 5 Personality Traits, With 6 Facets

The big five personality model has the most science behind it in relation to other personality inventories.

Here are the Big Five Dimension Facets – and their correlated trait adjective. The correlated adjective is more easy to understand than the name of the facet.

Again, I’ve done research on this because of the need to predict workplace performance, understanding what role people would be good in, how people work best and whether they’d be a good cultural fit with the company (you’re welcome to apply to work for us!).

1) Extraversion vs. introversion

Joe is extraverted.

Extraversion: (outgoing/energetic vs. solitary/reserved). Energy, positive emotions, surgency, assertiveness, sociability and the tendency to seek stimulation in the company of others, and talkativeness.

2 Main Facets:

  1. Assertiveness: Dominance
  2. Enthusiasm: Gregariousness/Friendliness, Positive Emotions, Sociability

6 Facets:

  1. Gregariousness (sociable)
  2. Assertiveness (forceful)
  3. Activity (energetic)
  4. Excitement-seeking (adventurous)
  5. Positive emotions (enthusiastic)
  6. Warmth (outgoing)

Indications that you may be extraverted:

  • Loves to chat
  • Laughs aloud
  • Slaps people on the back

Indications that you may be intraverted:

  • Keeps apart from others
  • Avoids contacts with others
  • Avoids company

2) Agreeableness vs. antagonism

Joe is high on agreeableness.

Agreeableness: (friendly/compassionate vs. analytical/detached). A tendency to be compassionate and cooperative rather than suspicious and antagonistic towards others. It is also a measure of one’s trusting and helpful nature, and whether a person is generally well tempered or not.

2 Main Facets:

  1. Compassion: Warmth, Sympathy, Tenderness
  2. Politeness: Cooperation, Compliance, Straightforwardness (not demanding)… more reasoned or cognitively influenced consideration of and respect for others’ needs and desires.

6 Facets:

  1. Trust (forgiving)
  2. Straightforwardness (not demanding)
  3. Altruism (warm)
  4. Compliance (not stubborn)
  5. Modesty (not show-off)
  6. Tender-mindedness (sympathetic)

Indications that you may be ‘Agreeable’:

  • Respects others feelings
  • Takes others interests into account
  • Is willing to make compromises

Indications that you may be ‘disagreeable’:

  • Imposes his/her will on others
  • Orders people around
  • Uses others for his/her own ends

3) Conscientiousness vs. lack of direction

Joe is high on conscientiousness.

Conscientiousness: (efficient/organized/industrious). A tendency to be organized and dependable, show self-discipline, act dutifully, aim for achievement, and prefer planned rather than spontaneous behavior.

2 Main Facets:

  1. Industriousness: Competence, Dutifulness, Self-Discipline, Thorough, Deliberation
  2. Orderliness: Order

6 Facets:

  1. Competence (efficient)
  2. Order (organized)
  3. Dutifulness (not careless)
  4. Achievement striving (thorough)
  5. Self-discipline (not lazy)
  6. Deliberation (not impulsive)

4) Neuroticism vs. emotional stability

Joe is low on neuroticism.

Neuroticism: (sensitive/nervous vs. secure/confident). The tendency to experience unpleasant emotions easily, such as anger, anxiety, depression, and vulnerability. Neuroticism also refers to the degree of emotional stability and impulse control and is sometimes referred to by its low pole, “emotional stability”.

2 Main Facets:

  1. Volatility (external): Hostility, Impulsiveness, Instability
  2. Withdrawal (internal): Anxiety, Unhappiness, Depression, Self-consciousness, Vulnerability

6 Facets:

  1. Anxiety (tense)
  2. Angry hostility (irritable)
  3. Depression (not contented)
  4. Self-consciousness (shy)
  5. Impulsiveness (moody)
  6. Vulnerability (not self-confident)

Indications that you may be ‘High on Neuroticism’:

  • Invents problems for himself/herself
  • Gets overwhelmed by emotions
  • Has crying fits

Indications that you may be ‘Low on Neuroticism’:

  • Can take his/her mind off his/her problems
  • Readily overcomes setbacks
  • Is always in the same mood

5) Openness vs. closedness to experience

Joe is high on an intellectual openness, but average for aesthetic openness.

Openness to experience: (inventive/curious vs. consistent/cautious). Appreciation for art, emotion, adventure, unusual ideas, curiosity, and variety of experience. Openness reflects the degree of intellectual curiosity, creativity and a preference for novelty and variety a person has. It is also described as the extent to which a person is imaginative or independent, and depicts a personal preference for a variety of activities over a strict routine. Some disagreement remains about how to interpret the openness factor, which is sometimes called “intellect” rather than openness to experience.

2 Main Facets:

  • Intellect: Quickness, Ingenuity, Curiosity, and Ideas
  • Openness: Aesthetics, Imagination, and Fantasy

6 Facets:

  1. Ideas (curious)
  2. Fantasy (imaginative)
  3. Aesthetics (artistic)
  4. Actions (wide interests)
  5. Feelings (excitable)
  6. Values (unconventional)

6) Honesty-Humility

Joe is high on honesty-humility.

Note: Humility doesn’t mean that someone never puts themselves up – it’s more about having an accurate picture of yourself. So if you’re intelligent, it’s not immodest to realize you’re intelligent or even relate to someone else that you are intelligent. But if you’re average on intelligence and think you’re brilliant, that’s immodest.  So humility is more about self-awareness rather than self-esteem.

Although Honesty-Humility does not directly correspond to any Big Five trait, it is strongly correlated with the Straightforwardness and Modesty facets of Big Five Agreeableness.  As both of these facets are only weakly correlated with Big Five Agreeableness, some scientists have developed the HEXACO Model: Honesty-Humility (i.e., Straightforwardness and Modesty) and a redefined Agreeableness (Trust, Altruism, Compliance, and Tender-Mindedness).

Joe According to Myers Briggs: INTJ

The Myers-Briggs personality grouping is commonly used by people – including 89 out of the Fortune 100 companies. Scientific evidence is lacking, though.

I’m not a big fan of the Myers Briggs, but I do happen to fit into the INTJ personality type.

However, I’m an extraverted version of an INTJ, if that makes any sense.  This means that I fit the description of the INTJ personality the most, but I also score higher on extraversion in the big 5 personality test. This is partly why I’m not a big fan of the Myers Briggs test…

This information is copied from here.

INTJ PERSONALITY (“THE ARCHITECT”)

It’s lonely at the top, and being one of the rarest and most strategically capable personality types, INTJs know this all too well. INTJs form just two percent of the population, and women of this personality type are especially rare, forming just 0.8% of the population – it is often a challenge for them to find like-minded individuals who are able to keep up with their relentless intellectualism and chess-like maneuvering. People with the INTJ personality type are imaginative yet decisive, ambitious yet private, amazingly curious, but they do not squander their energy.

Nothing Can Stop the Right Attitude From Achieving Its Goal

With a natural thirst for knowledge that shows itself early in life, INTJs are often given the title of “bookworm” as children. While this may be intended as an insult by their peers, they more than likely identify with it and are even proud of it, greatly enjoying their broad and deep body of knowledge. INTJs enjoy sharing what they know as well, confident in their mastery of their chosen subjects, but owing to their Intuitive (N) and Judging (J) traits, they prefer to design and execute a brilliant plan within their field rather than share opinions on “uninteresting” distractions like gossip.

A paradox to most observers, INTJs are able to live by glaring contradictions that nonetheless make perfect sense – at least from a purely rational perspective. For example, INTJs are simultaneously the most starry-eyed idealists and the bitterest of cynics, a seemingly impossible conflict. But this is because INTJ types tend to believe that with effort, intelligence and consideration, nothing is impossible, while at the same time they believe that people are too lazy, short-sighted or self-serving to actually achieve those fantastic results. Yet that cynical view of reality is unlikely to stop an interested INTJ from achieving a result they believe to be relevant.

In Matters Of Principle, Stand Like a Rock

INTJs radiate self-confidence and an aura of mystery, and their insightful observations, original ideas and formidable logic enable them to push change through with sheer willpower and force of personality. At times it will seem that INTJs are bent on deconstructing and rebuilding every idea and system they come into contact with, employing a sense of perfectionism and even morality to this work. Anyone who doesn’t have the talent to keep up with INTJs’ processes, or worse yet, doesn’t see the point of them, is likely to immediately and permanently lose their respect.

Rules, limitations and traditions are anathema to the INTJ personality type – everything should be open to questioning and reevaluation, and if they see a way, INTJs will often act unilaterally to enact their technically superior, sometimes insensitive, and almost always unorthodox methods and ideas.

This isn’t to be misunderstood as impulsiveness – INTJs will strive to remain rational no matter how attractive the end goal may be, and every idea, whether generated internally or soaked in from the outside world, must pass the ruthless and ever-present “Is this going to work?” filter. This mechanism is applied at all times, to all things and all people, and this is often where INTJ personality types run into trouble.

One Reflects More When Traveling Alone

INTJs are brilliant and confident in bodies of knowledge they have taken the time to understand, but unfortunately the social contract is unlikely to be one of those subjects. White lies and small talk are hard enough as it is for a type that craves truth and depth, but INTJs may go so far as to see many social conventions as downright stupid. Ironically, it is often best for them to remain where they are comfortable – out of the spotlight – where the natural confidence prevalent in INTJs as they work with the familiar can serve as its own beacon, attracting people, romantically or otherwise, of similar temperament and interests.

INTJs are defined by their tendency to move through life as though it were a giant chess board, pieces constantly shifting with consideration and intelligence, always assessing new tactics, strategies and contingency plans, constantly outmaneuvering their peers in order to maintain control of a situation while maximizing their freedom to move about. This isn’t meant to suggest that INTJs act without conscience, but to many Feeling (F) types, INTJs’ distaste for acting on emotion can make it seem that way, and it explains why many fictional villains (and misunderstood heroes) are modeled on this personality type.

INTJ Strengths

  • Quick, Imaginative and Strategic Mind – INTJs pride themselves on their minds, taking every opportunity to improve their knowledge, and this shows in the strength and flexibility of their strategic thinking. Insatiably curious and always up for an intellectual challenge, INTJs can see things from many perspectives. INTJs use their creativity and imagination not so much for artistry, but for planning contingencies and courses of action for all possible scenarios.

  • High Self-Confidence – INTJs trust their rationalism above all else, so when they come to a conclusion, they have no reason to doubt their findings. This creates an honest, direct style of communication that isn’t held back by perceived social roles or expectations. When INTJs are right, they’re right, and no amount of politicking or hand-holding is going to change that fact – whether it’s correcting a person, a process, or themselves, they’d have it no other way.

  • Independent and Decisive – This creativity, logic and confidence come together to form individuals who stand on their own and take responsibility for their own actions. Authority figures do not impress INTJs, nor do social conventions or tradition, and no matter how popular something is, if they have a better idea, INTJs will stand against anyone they have to in a bid to have it changed. Either an idea is the most rational or it’s wrong, and INTJs will apply this to their arguments as well as their own behavior, staying calm and detached from these sometimes emotionally charged conflicts. INTJs will only be swayed by those who follow suit.

  • Hard-working and determined – If something piques their interest, INTJs can be astonishingly dedicated to their work, putting in long hours and intense effort to see an idea through. INTJs are incredibly efficient, and if tasks meet the criteria of furthering a goal, they will find a way to consolidate and accomplish those tasks. However, this drive for efficiency can also lead to a sort of elaborate laziness, wherein INTJs find ways to bypass seeming redundancies which don’t seem to require a great deal of thought – this can be risky, as sometimes double-checking one’s work is the standard for a reason.

  • Open-minded – All this rationalism leads to a very intellectually receptive personality type, as INTJs stay open to new ideas, supported by logic, even if (and sometimes especially if) they prove INTJs’ previous conceptions wrong. When presented with unfamiliar territory, such as alternate lifestyles, INTJs tend to apply their receptiveness and independence, and aversion to rules and traditions, to these new ideas as well, resulting in fairly liberal social senses.

  • Jacks-of-all-Trades – INTJs’ open-mindedness, determination, independence, confidence and strategic abilities create individuals who are capable of doing anything they set their minds to. Excelling at analyzing anything life throws their way, INTJs are able to reverse-engineer the underlying methodology of most any system and apply the concepts that are exposed wherever needed. INTJs tend to have their pick of professions, from IT architects to political masterminds.

INTJ Weaknesses

  • Arrogant – INTJs are perfectly capable of carrying their confidence too far, falsely believing that they’ve resolved all the pertinent issues of a matter and closing themselves off to the opinions of those they believe to be intellectually inferior. Combined with their irreverence for social conventions, INTJs can be brutally insensitive in making their opinions of others all too clear.

  • Judgmental – INTJs tend to have complete confidence in their thought process, because rational arguments are almost by definition correct – at least in theory. In practice, emotional considerations and history are hugely influential, and a weak point for INTJs is that they brand these factors and those who embrace them as illogical, dismissing them and considering their proponents to be stuck in some baser mode of thought, making it all but impossible to be heard.

  • Overly analytical – A recurring theme with INTJs is their analytical prowess, but this strength can fall painfully short where logic doesn’t rule – such as with human relationships. When their critical minds and sometimes neurotic level of perfectionism (often the case with Turbulent INTJs) are applied to other people, all but the steadiest of friends will likely need to make some distance, too often permanently.

  • Loathe highly structured environments – Blindly following precedents and rules without understanding them is distasteful to INTJs, and they disdain even more authority figures who blindly uphold those laws and rules without understanding their intent. Anyone who prefers the status quo for its own sake, or who values stability and safety over self-determination, is likely to clash with INTJ personality types. Whether it’s the law of the land or simple social convention, this aversion applies equally, often making life more difficult than it needs to be.

  • Clueless in romance – This antipathy to rules and tendency to over-analyze and be judgmental, even arrogant, all adds up to a personality type that is often clueless in dating. Having a new relationship last long enough for INTJs to apply the full force of their analysis on their potential partner’s thought processes and behaviors can be challenging. Trying harder in the ways that INTJs know best can only make things worse, and it’s unfortunately common for them to simply give up the search. Ironically, this is when they’re at their best, and most likely to attract a partner.

INTJ IN THE WORKPLACE

Above all else, INTJs want to be able to tackle intellectually interesting work with minimal outside interference, no more, no less. Time-consuming management techniques like trust-building getaways, progress meetings, and drawn-out, sandwiched criticisms are only going to annoy INTJs – all they need, be they subordinate, colleague, or manager, is to meet their goals with the highest standard of technical excellence and to be surrounded by, if anyone at all, people who share those values.

INTJs are independent people, and they quickly become frustrated if they find themselves pushed into tightly defined roles that limit their freedom. With the direction of a properly liberal manager, INTJs will establish themselves in a position of expertise, completing their work not with the ambition of managerial promotion, but for its own intrinsic merit. INTJs require and appreciate firm, logical managers who are able to direct efforts with competence, deliver criticism when necessary, and back up those decisions with sound reason.

Note that it is INTJs’ expectations of their managers that are being defined here, and not the other way around, as with some other personality types. Titles mean little to INTJs – trust and respect are earned, and INTJs expect this to be a two way street, receiving and delivering advice, criticisms and results. INTJs expect their managers to be intelligent enough and strong enough to be able to handle this paradigm.

Active teamwork is not ideal for people with the INTJ personality type. Fiercely independent and private, INTJs use their nimble minds and insight to deflect personal talk, avoid workplace tension, and create situations where they aren’t slowed down by those less intelligent, less capable, or less adaptable to more efficient methods. Instead, they will likely poke fun by forcing them to read between the lines and making them deal alone with work that could have been easier if they’d only taken INTJs’ suggestions.

INTJs are brilliant analysts, and will likely gather a small handful of trusted colleagues to involve in their brainstorming sessions, excluding those who get too hung up on details, or who otherwise have yet to earn their respect. But more likely, INTJs will simply take the initiative alone – INTJs love embracing challenges and their consequent responsibilities, and their perfectionism and determination usually mean that the work comes out clean and effective, affording INTJs the twin joys of solitude and victory.

Though they may be surprised to hear it, INTJs make natural leaders, and this shows in their management style. INTJs value innovation and effectiveness more than just about any other quality, and they will gladly cast aside hierarchy, protocol and even their own beliefs if they are presented with rational arguments about why things should change. INTJs promote freedom and flexibility in the workplace, preferring to engage their subordinates as equals, respecting and rewarding initiative and adopting an attitude of “to the best mind go the responsibilities”, directing strategy while more capable hands manage the day-to-day tactics.

But this sort of freedom isn’t just granted, it’s required – those who are accustomed to just being told what to do, who are unable to direct themselves and challenge existing notions, will have a hard time meeting INTJs’ extremely high standards. Efficiency and results are king to INTJs, and behaviors that undermine these conditions are quashed mercilessly. If subordinates try to compensate for their weakness in these areas by trying to build a social relationship with their INTJ managers, on their heads be it – office gossip and schmoozing are not the way into INTJs’ hearts – only bold competence will do.

INTJ CAREERS

Professional competence is often the area in which INTJs shine most brilliantly. Their capacity for digesting difficult and complex theories and principles and converting them into clear and actionable ideas and strategies is unmatched by any other type. INTJs are able to filter out the noise of a situation, identifying the core thread that needs to be pulled in order to unravel others’ messes so that they can be rewoven into something at once beautifully intricate and stunningly simple in its function.

The real challenge for INTJs is that in order for their innovative (and to less insightful individuals, seemingly counter-intuitive) ideas to be heard, they need to have a friendly ear to bend, and developing an amiable rapport with authority figures is not exactly in INTJs’ list of core strengths. In their early careers, INTJs will often have to suffer through menial tasks and repeated rejections as they develop their abilities into a skillset that speaks for itself.

INTJs will often find ways to automate routine and mind-numbing tasks, and as they progress, their natural confidence, dedication, and creative intelligence will open the doors to the increased complexity and freedom they crave.

Where’s My Drawing Board?

INTJs tend to prefer to work alone, or at most in small groups, where they can maximize their creativity and focus without repeated interruptions from questioning colleagues and meetings-happy supervisors. For this reason, INTJs are unlikely to be found in strictly administrative roles or anything that requires constant dialogue and heavy teamwork. Rather, INTJs prefer more “lone wolf” positions as mechanical or software engineers, lawyers or freelance consultants, only accepting competent leadership that helps in these goals, and rejecting the authority of those who hold them back.

Their independent attitude and tireless demand for competence mean that INTJs absolutely loathe those who get ahead by seemingly less meritocratic means like social prowess and political connections. INTJs have exceptionally high standards, and if they view a colleague or supervisor as incompetent or ineffective, respect will be lost instantly and permanently. INTJs value personal initiative, determination, insight and dedication, and believe that everyone should complete their work to the highest possible standards – if a schmoozing shill breezes through without carrying their own weight, they may find INTJs’ inventiveness and determination used in a whole new capacity as the winds turn against them.

Timid Men Prefer the Calm

As their careers progress further and their reputation grows, so will the complexity of INTJs’ tasks and projects. INTJs demand progress and evolution, new challenges and theories, and they often accomplish this by pushing into more active strategic positions. While they don’t care for the spotlight, INTJs do enjoy controlling their ideas, and will often expand into low-profile but influential roles as project managers, system engineers, marketing strategists, systems analysts, and military strategists.

But really, INTJs’ vision, creativity, and competence in executing their plans make them viable in just about any career that requires them to think about what they’re doing. While some careers, such as low-level sales and human resources, clearly do not play to their strengths, INTJs are able to build a niche into just about any institution, including their own, that they put their minds to.

INTJ RELATIONSHIPS

In romance, people with the INTJ personality type approach things the way they do with most situations: they compose a series of calculated actions with a predicted and desirable end goal – a healthy long-term relationship. Rather than falling head over heels in a whirlwind of passion and romance, INTJs identify potential partners who meet a certain range of pre-determined criteria, break the dating process down into a series of measurable milestones, then proceed to execute the plan with clinical precision.

In a purely rational world, this is a fool-proof methodology – but in reality, it ignores significant details that INTJs are likely to dismiss prematurely, such as human nature. INTJs are brilliantly intellectual, developing a world in their heads that is more perfect than reality. People entering this world need to fit this fantasy, and it can be incredibly difficult for INTJs to find someone up to the task. Needless to say, finding a compatible partner is the most significant challenge most INTJs will face in life.

Politeness Is Artificial Good Humor

Sentiment, tradition, and emotion are INTJs’ Achilles Heel. Social standards like chivalry are viewed by INTJs as silly, even demeaning. The problem is, these standards have developed as a means of smoothing introductions and developing rapport, of managing expectations, the basis of personal relationships. INTJs’ propensity for frank honesty in word and action tends to violate this social contract, making dating especially difficult for them.

As they mature, INTJs will come to recognize these factors as relevant, incorporating pace and emotional availability into their plans.

Always Remain Cool

The positive side of INTJs’ “giving up” is that they are most attractive when they aren’t trying to be attractive, working in a familiar environment where their confidence and intelligence can be seen in action. Allowing others to come to them is often INTJs’ best strategy, and if they perceive a potential to the relationship, they will spare no effort in developing and maintaining stability and long-term satisfaction.

As their relationships develop, INTJs’ partners will find an imaginative and enthusiastic companion, who will share their world and at the same time grant a huge degree of independence and trust. While INTJs may never be fully comfortable expressing their feelings, and may spend more time theorizing about intimacy than engaging in it, they can always be relied upon to think out a mutually beneficial solution to any situation.

INTJs seek strong, deep relationships, and trust their knowledge and logic to ensure that their partner is satisfied, both intellectually and physically.

But when it comes to emotional satisfaction, INTJs are simply out of their element. Not every partner has the sort of fun INTJs do in addressing conflicts and emotional needs as puzzles to be analyzed and solved. Sometimes emotions need to be expressed for their own sake, and putting every outburst under the microscope isn’t always helpful. If this becomes habit, or INTJs think it may, they are capable of simply ending the relationship, rather than dragging things out.

Truth and Morality

INTJs are bewilderingly deep and intelligent people, bringing stability and insight into their romantic relationships. They prize honest, open communication, and all factors of the relationship are open to discussion and change, but this must be reciprocated. INTJs do what they think is right, and sometimes that comes across as cold – it’s important to know that INTJs don’t make these decisions lightly. They spend a tremendous amount of time and energy trying to understand why and how things go wrong, especially if they’ve devoted themselves to the relationship, and they certainly hurt deeply when things fall apart.

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108 COMMENTS

  • Esther

    I’m an Auditor in a big4 company firm.
    And, trust me, the time you spend to write this you could have known a girls, love her, make a child and get married..
    think to live a real experience!and remember..you work to live and not live to work!

    1. Joseph M. Cohen

      Took me about 3 hours to write this.

  • rosa

    HELLO MY NAMES IS ROSA AND I LIVE EN ITLAY

  • Cym

    No wonders why it is so hard for you to find a mate in whom you can find real love. you know nothing about being spontaneous like love is. It just pops up. It seems you have a business manager mind and you seem to be kind of sexy and witty. Though, you still lack a sense of adventure. if so, you would dare to get out of your box and meet someone totally different from whom you can learn to be a real man and have an exciting relationship.

  • Luis

    Hi, Joe! I can help you with this. I am not applying for this (LOL) but, believe me, I can help you to find that one you dream on. Let me contact you to explain that a little bit more about it. After that, you decide. Regards!

  • Claire

    I like the idea.

  • Astrid C.

    very nice initiative!

  • Roselle jaucian

    Good luck she’s on the way don’t be rush,your still young,,u know that your age is still in the calendar…..your age still have one more year In a calendar..hahahaha and ur requirements is very hekhekhekhek who knows that the girl ur looking is not in the country that u want,,what if she’s in the other country…

  • Nana

    i’m from indonesia Joe…do you like indonesia?

  • R. Steinmet

    My daughter is very nice and i don’t understand why she is still single… why don’t meet ? We live in paris !

  • Tiara Damayanti

    Whooaa such as a great personality Joe! You’re smart and healthy guy, you know? Maybe some people had thinked this is a crazy or a jokes but i think no, sometimes we need to find a match soulmate, who always understand us, we don’t need a perfect people, all we need just a true love from deepest heart, about your hobbies and music preference we have the same taste, i love sport and i love travelling too, maybe one day we can travelling around the world together i interested with science, i had research about biochemistry and found a biothanol gas from useless things. i’m from Indonesia and maybe you wanna try to visit a exotic place and women from Asia, maybe i don’t a perfect criteria of you but trust me i’ll make ur 4months gonna be a wonderful months of your life, and if you really interested with me just contact me, you dont need to pay me if i success to make you fallin in love with me, cause it just about true love not about money☺

  • Elaine

    So Joe, why do you have to pay someone to get you a potential mate? You aint bad yourself. Common, with that long list. Id rather not get married with that of your type.. Where’s the mystery in dating? Though im an intj myself, im never gnna this creepy!

  • Ivy Joy Villamor

    God bless

  • maria

    actually I don’t read it at all..
    I’m lazy to read it I just scroll it down and down..I think its hard to find right girl for but someday she will come to u.I dont think so in my opinion …good luck and hope u the woman u want whatever who she is where she is and where from she is..u must accept her and love her.congrats to your success and hopefully u can find one…have a nice day…

  • kat

    World is all about money! good luck for you sir. Hope you find your mate not using your money instead your feelings as a human.

  • Kanlayanee

    Hi Joe
    Thank you so much for the good idea
    Please start to see me
    My Nickname tookta and I’m 32 year old. Single

  • Marydelle

    Hmmm

  • Bhella

    I hope its does work your plan .. (If does work just tell me okay) Mr. Joe

  • Vi

    Hi Joe. My pleasure to recommend you to someone that I know personally.

  • Lauren Lindley

    As an ENTJ that is a female, I can emphatically say that this is completely and totally not true. Those hoops are illogical, irrational and a waste of my time.

  • Bonnie

    Meeeeeee

  • hollinger elise

    Good evening, I am from France and can search for your request by myself like I do it for my friends I but need to have more information about your personality (your tastes about food, a little more about habits of usual life, private expectations about intimate life for two)…I would really like to help you because finding his/lher lover is wonderful and it was an excellent idea to ask the medias in order to find your rare pearl. Don’t hesitate to ask me it would be a pleasure to find you someone that would be your second part in your life and don’t forget that i have to know more about you…See you soon, Elise.

  • Jen

    You sound like a great guy! Praying for a relationship myself. Wishing you all the luck, hope you find her! 🙂

  • Alexander Stone

    I’m a 31 year old man and my story is very similar – also INTJ, into biohacking, self experimentation, supplements and lucid dreaming. I’m an iOS developer.

    Also had poor dating success in US. Now moved to Thailand, been running “experiments” on relationships here. I would love to chat with you.

    Funny thing – I made a similar post in August at a local Facebook group of 8000 people. Also got crazy amount of feedback.

    There is also a podcast I follow called “Beat your genes”, fantastic info on relationships. If you don’t have much experience, I would listen up

  • Lhynn

    I love it

  • Fidz

    With the effort and detail of this post, i was actually disappointed that cognitive tests would not be given. Lol And what is this rule about not dating an employee? Life may well surprise you. Think about it, dating an employee is beneficial because: she already knows what kind of coffee you drink or what not, she understands what drives you, your pet peeves, etc…if i am not mistaken, it is even at your work that you do spend majority of time, forge and continue to nurture genuine connections but just on a different level of commitment.

    Btw just wondering, where does love figure in all of these?

  • Sophie

    Your really brave Joe, cheers to you. Authentic love and compliticy are the best that can happen to human being. Unfortunatly it is like winning the lotery, it happend to few of us. Most people took whatever love they found trying to make it works or worst did not found it and partnership by default in order not being alone. Like you i spend my life looking for it avoiding the dead end streets of unperfect love. I moved to Barcelona on my 30th (I like sunny places), i quickly made friends that like sailing, windsurfing, hiking in nature. I also bacpacked a lot (and i would say that a good mean to find a soulmate).Today I am 43 single, no child but i don t regret this choices. I just gave up and enjoy every moment of life as it is. I saw you buying a lot of lotery tickets for true love. And I simply want to say Good luck to you. BTW i also did the 23&me analisis as I am a geneticist, pretty cool!

  • Lora

    Hi! I think that the woman you are looking for is the one who won’t reply to this announcement…

  • Diva Riquelme

    I need to do this as well 🙂 great post! Hope you did find her!

  • Sandee

    You can only know the person through conversations and get along with them.

    So take the first step and you will find out who match

    ENFP

  • Jasmine

    If you chat with me, I will tell you some interesting things

  • Jasmine

    Interested ? Maybe I’m not excellent but you will love

  • Kady

    Hi Joe– I just sent you a Facebook message about a friend of mine who I think you’ll really like. Not sure if Facebook will notify you since we aren’t Facebook friends but thought I would let you know to look out for it. Cheers! Kady

  • Zanielle van den Berg

    Wow….ok. I will start searching for you…a homegrown girl from South Africa. 🙂

  • Anastasia Filina

    I’m curious if I got a 750 score at GMAT would you waive a cognitive test for me?:))

  • Lynnette

    Cadena van Zyl

  • Sandre Pritchard

    What about awesome South African ladies 🙂

  • Deij

    This ^

  • Barbara

    Speaking as a California native, born in LA, you have moved yourself into perhaps one of the most shallow, inauthentic places on earth. I moved to Northern California and never looked back. You say you don’t want to move, but if you end up doing so to find your mate, you’ll find that especially in the SF Bay Area we are more down-to-earth, genuine people. The weather is also good too – not too many days of rain, mild comfortable temperatures most of the time. And it’ so beautiful here – so much natural beauty close by at the beaches, in the Redwoods (I live in the city of Oakland, and there is a forest about 1 mile from my home), and the cities too. Another suggestion that was not mentioned in the things you’ve tried: Cuddle Party, which is a consent, communication and platonic touch workshop. I found my boyfriend of 2 and a half years there. It’s not a dating thing, but a low-key way to meet people in a fun way. You can find more information at http://www.cuddleparty.com and find a party near you on the website (I’m a certified Cuddle Party facilitator).

  • Brenda Meek

    dont listen to the nay sayers, i wrote a list of the perfect for me man, i met him 2 weeks later when my work mates said he didnt exist, a month later i moved city to live with him and we are still happily together 9 years later. my advise is not to waste time on someone who is not your intellectual equal or close. good luck and have some fun along the way.

  • Amelia

    I go to a school with a high percentage of Jewish people. I’ll keep an eye out for you friend 😉

  • Savanna

    Oh Joe, you seem like an all around great guy. I’m so glad you were able to overcome and heal your health issues. You’ll find someone, or someone will for you stay positive and it’ll all workout

  • Jodi L Rowe

    Hi Joe-I would like to introduce you to my daughter Kimberly. She is a beautiful, Jewish young lady who works as a special education teacher in Bakersfield. She is a compassionate, kind and empathetic person. In addition, she has a great sense of humor, and is and loving to her family and friends. Kimberly gets along well with everybody she comes in contact with. She is easy going and open to having a good time. She owns her own home and is dedicated about working with her special education students. If you are interested , you can reach me at the email address enclosed. Look forward to hearing from you. Jodi

  • Kate

    Hi Joe,
    I don’t think its too wise to be telling people what you want in a girlfriend because some may take that list and pretend to be that for you! Just like one woman said write out the type of person you are looking for, present it to God in prayer then fold it up and hide it. I think you’d be best to just relax, enjoy life and possibly go to the local public pool and swim and hang out in the hot tub whereby you’ll meet others that are interested in being healthy etc. I wouldn’t say you need to join a “high end facility” but just the public pool if they have one in your area. Most likely there you’ll get people who will be more down to earth types. You can also go grocery shopping and start by talking to women about the products there, and/or hang out in the library also. All of these places I as a woman have chatted with and met nice guys. And the longer you chat the more likely that things will go further. If someone is willing to chat with you for awhile you can then causally ask them if they’d like to go to a nearby coffee shop for a coffee. Make sure it’s close by so you don’t need to drive to it for women are less likely to catch a ride with someone they don’t really know you. A library maybe a good place for you’ll most likely find someone there who isn’t an “air head”. Other ideas are; look online for a Jewish site that has chatrooms you can start meeting people in, or invent your own site for that, or sign up for a night school course that you’re interested in.
    Or if you live in an apartment complex do you have a public meeting area in it- hang out there. The main point is get out there where others are so you can be exposed to people. Whatever you chose you yourself must enjoy it cause life is too short to waste on something you don’t like. Stay away from the Nightclubs and Bars for that’s the last place you want to meet someone in.
    Remember sitting in your office (if that’s what you’re doing?) isn’t going to help you, so at least twice a week get out of there for 2-3 hours and take your laptop or tablet to the local coffee shop or courtyard. Do your work out there but causally chat with folks while you’re working. There’s all my ideas off the top of my head. That said “a shared activity” done with others is a great way of meeting people and a good way to see what they’re actually like. Maybe a night school course would be a perfect spot for that and then you have a reason for meeting up and interacting with women. These are the places I’d go to if I were looking for a great guy.

  • Tamara Bagwell

    Will you be willing to move out of California for the right woman? I am a Naturopathic Doctor and all of the women I know are concerned with vaccine choice. I don’t know any women that would be willing to live in California now that the state has mandatory vaccinations.

  • Ash

    I’d love to write something in more detail, but prefe

  • Carlos

    Joe, I have read parts of your proposition. The amount of attention to detail is astonishing. I am hoping you have already coupled this with Greg Braden’s ancient teachings of “feeling is the prayer” as though it has already happened and supported by HeartMath’s science. Its not always enough to act, we must manifest our reality using our hearts feelings (electromagnetic field) . On the surface you seem to be coming too much from your head field and not your heart field. Please research further… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y94Vn_Sbnlk

  • Galya Campano

    ☺I’m smiling! I’m amused! I’m pleasantly surprised!

    Thank you for posting this!

    (I pray that the Lord gives you a wife [why stop at girlfriend?] beyond your wildest aspirations.)

  • Alex A. Renoire

    I dunno, I posted a comment and it disappeared. Anyway, I am interested in chatting to you, and I’m not after the money or luxurious life or whatever. I have a strange connection to Israel. Check out my website, maybe. alexarenoire.one

  • Alex A. Renoire

    Hey Joe! I am not after the money, I am just interested in chatting with you (by mail or Skype). You seem like a genuinely extraordinary person.
    I’ve been living in Israel and doing Israel Studies for some while. I have a MSc in CS, dropped out of a PhD, and I am looking forward to make this world a better place. Currently working as a science journalist.

  • Whisper

    Forgot to Mention! She lives close to your area. And she is not tall. Her personality is exceptional.

  • Whisper

    I know the perfect lady. Please contact me. She is of Jewish decent. Kind , intelligent, and is highly educated and is wise! No one else like her but her Sisters, they are both spoken for, and happily married. She is highly respected.

  • Darren

    Take a deep breath.
    Empty . A bit.
    Appreciate what you have .
    Go with your feelings. Emphasise. With so much mind it I doubt you will notice her . You might already know her…..
    Good luck .
    From someone with ms.

  • Katrina

    Buying a woman is not the way to go.Pray and have faith that God will send you a Woman that is perfect for you.God has your best interest.

  • Dr Amba Dryg Tobin

    How I found my husband. And if you follow this exactly, you will find your wife. Yellow paper- legal pad works well. And wooden pencil. Write all your have written but be very specific in 7 or 8 pages of what you want. To eye color, what her parents are like, what she does for a living , how she is with money, how she is with cooking – every possible detail that is what you want — and at the end say or something better. And leave it up to God and she will exactly be there for you. I have every thing I put in my 7 pages in my husband. I left out some things that I wished I would have included – like supportive family and good communicator. Praying for you and hope you try it. You can save your money.

  • Anon

    Joe tests as INTJ on Myers Briggs and as Extraverted on Big 5. Putting aside the whole matter of test validity and reliability, the test domains overlap, but they are not really measuring the same thing (not to mention that one is binary and the other is scalar.) On the other hand, Joe cites 16personalites as a source. If he took their free test or any of the other widely available free tests, he was as likely as not mistyped (even if he received the same misassigned type from several sources.) Based only on what he presents in this thread, a case could be made for Se-Ni and Te-Fi, but these functions stack up differently in four possible types: INTJ, ENTJ, ISFP, ESFP. Among these, INTJ is not an obvious best choice. If the underlying data, on which so much else is extrapolated, are weak, what are the possibilities that both Joe’s and his prospective partner’s expectations will line up?

    Of course, all of this so far has mostly to do with temperament. What about other huge (and hugely important) domains on which Joe’s requirements are silent. Politics, anyone? Care / Fairness / Loyalty / Authority / Purity? Power / Achievement / Hedonism / Stimulation / Self-Direction / Universalism / Benevolence / Tradition / Conformity / Secuity? SX / SO / SP?

    Even if were possible to produce valid and reliable scores for Joe and all possible partner candidates in each of these domains, there would remain questions of compatibility. The compatibility theories themselves are all over the map and frequently contradict one another.

    What to do? Take the money and run.

  • Ariana

    Hi Joe!

    I have an AMAZING best friend who fits all of your interests! She’s outgoing, athletic, Jewish, smart, gorgeous, almost 24, shorter than you….what more could you ask for!? (And did i mention going to be a DNP) Email me if you’d like to get to know her

  • sandy

    Dear Joe, Wishing you the best in finding your soulmate, life partner, wife. You’re a great guy – intuitive, intelligent, interesting. My only thought is maybe broaden your age range to a bit older. I can’t imagine too many women in the range you seek know themselves as well as you do yourself. If she’s healthy she can bear children above age 35.

    I think this is a great approach, you have a lot to offer and I do see results with Ask and You Shall Receive, you are bound to meet some worthwhile lovely compatible women.

    PS Have you tried Kambo?

    Good luck!

  • Linda

    Joe, please continue calling women girls! By doing so you make a compliment as you emphasize youthfulness and attractivity. Don’t let yourself correct by people who possibly don’t recognize that for example a “boyfriend” doesn’t imply under 16, either. “Women” exist in politically correct places like work. You want real love. Real love is happy, attractive, youthful, crazy, respectful, …. and not politically correct.

    PS: You look good 🙂

  • Joseph M. Cohen

    Lol

  • D

    I am a huge fan of your blog and think you are a brilliant guy. Hope this works out. In addition, this post will likely be shared a lot, so it should boost traffic to your general content. I find your observations to ring true. I live in NYC but visit LA often, women definitely do value intelligence and contrarian attitudes much more in NYC. The NYC dating market is also easier for men because of the lopsided gender ratio (LA is the opposite). While I am not Jewish, as a non-conventional guy, I date many Jewish women and find them to be into that. Wish I could think of someone for you to date. If this experiment fails and you have any interest in throwing yourself back into the dating app gauntlet, I would be happy to give you some advice on maximizing your profile. Small cumulative improvements in your pictures and text make a huge difference. Over the years I have gone from getting no leads to basically having unlimited options to choose from. Also can give a lot of general dating/aesthetic advice. Shoot me an email if you’re interested, you don’t have to pay me, think of it as a thank you for all that I’ve learned from your blog.

    Good luck! Excited to see how this experiment turns out.

  • Gamma quadra member

    ESTP sounds like someone who came here looking for easy $10,000, either skimmed over or couldn’t correctly comprehend what was written, thought about murder, found out she wasn’t wanted, then got pissy and decided to project her own darkest thoughts onto other people.

    What is wrong with ESTP?

    Low reading comprehension combined with pedantry, off-the-scale neuroticism, highly dissatisfied with life, disagreeable but makes insincere overtures of being agreeable, and lacking self reflection.

  • Mari

    Hi Joe,
    Will say this is definitely outside the box. You have great qualities, maybe try hamming it up. I hope you find someone!

  • Tim

    Bahaha. What a classic out of the ordinary intj way to do things. Good luck. You are going to need it. As an intj myself I can tell you it ain’t easy finding your dream girl. In fact, she doesn’t exist. But I have met girls who I consider my “supertype” a few times in my life but never had the balls to talk enough to them. I always gravitate towards esfps.

    Also consider your birthdate/starsign. While the forecasting in the papers are totally superstitious, the birthday personality is uncannily accurate. Study the starsigns of your mum, dad, siblings, best friends in childhood. Also find out the starsigns of any movie stars or famous people you find attractive and you might get a hint of who you are compatible with.

    I’m going to have to book in with you one day to get over this social anxiety. Otherwise I’ll never be able to walk up to girls I find attractive. Cheers

  • S P

    I agree. This dude has a very high opinion of himself and will most likely be like some of my 50 something (aged) male friends who are still looking for miss perfect. Sad.

  • S P

    This is nuts. Total nuts.

  • Cindy

    God love you, I hope this process is helpful to you and it yields a wonderful result.
    Extravert, agreeable, conscientious, emotional stability, openess, we are a match!!!
    A few stumbling blocks – more than old enough to be your mother, then I consulted my husband and maybe tomorrow he will be ready to trade me in. :o)
    Wishing you all the best,
    Cindy

  • Ayianna Franklin

    I’m an ENTP and while I have no plans to move to SoCal, I think you’re a catch! Best wishes, Joe. ^_^

    Folks, it’s possible to be an ambivert (I’m one myself and simply lean more extroverted). Geez.

  • Faigy kohn

    Hey pls contact me at [email protected] i have a friend that can be your perfect match

  • Issie

    Not sure where my original post went, but it’s not there.

    I had said this was pretty creative. However, being happily married for 37 years one thing that is for certain – there has to be give and take by both partners – equally. And you have to accept each others differences. None of us are perfect and to think you will find perfection is not likely. The key to remaining together and solid is communication – no matter how painful that may be. Being picky is not bad – but don’t miss a good girl/woman by looking for perfection. If you “expect” too much – be sure it will be “expected” in return. Finding someone to share your life, dreams, hopes, sorrows and disappointments – means it won’t always be good. But if you find someone willing to stick it out even when it’s not so good – you’ve found your soul mate.

    Issie

  • Jamie

    Hey Joe,
    One of my friends posted your ad on Facebook & it piqued my interest from across the country. I’m a 30yr old who fits your wants list. While I’m not located in SoCal yet, I am very much interested in moving out there once I finish my masters program in nutrition. Best of luck to you in your endeavor and feel free to contact me for more info.

  • Julie

    I understand that you are looking for a compatible mate. I was impressed with your drive to finding that special person. Having moved from Westchester County NY – Chappaqua to The San Fernando Valley – Tarzana prior to 9th grade, I feel your pain. It sounds like you limit yourself and are stuck in a box. Move to an area that has a higher Jewish population or move back to NYC. I do admire you quest for finding the right woman. The strict requirements may be due to the fact that you are an INTJ. In one part of your bio you are extraverted and then on Myers Briggs test you are an introvert. Being an ENFP, I would suggest letting go a bit and stop looking so hard. Put yourself in an environment that leads to what you are seeking. Not all women in Southern California are superficial and want tall men with cash. Relax and relocate regardless of your desire to have wonderful weather year round. Love ❤️ doesn’t happen according to a formula.

  • aroc

    plus housing and a fresh start in CA.

  • anna burns

    Actually, I am certain that there are psychological and physical health benefits to having a soul mate/partner.
    It would be interesting if Joe did a piece on that.

  • Koko

    Yea it’s not easy but u will find her.

  • Koko

    Good luck joe

  • Cat

    Hmmm . . . you say you are an INTJ (I am an INTJ myself) but the “I” here means introverted not extroverted as you indicate you are. Plus, the “introversion/extroversion” doesn’t mean simply that some people are social and some are not. It has to do with energy. Extroverted people tend to be energized by connection to others and often don’t like being alone while introverted people gain energy by spending time alone and find that too much social interaction is somewhat draining. That said, the expression of introversion and extroversion is not black and white but usually indicated by a percentage or scale. I am a “slightly expressed” introvert, for example. Also, the INTJ personality is a “whatever works” type so I do get your plan here.

    You have tried several things, discovered they didn’t work for you, so you are trying something else. I did that myself. I found online dating to be a drag because there were so many people that were playing some sort of game. I attended a Christian church since that was the religion I was raised in but eventually decided the men AND the spiritual path were not for me (the men did not want a truly intelligent woman with an opinion). Ultimately, however, I was introduced to a gentleman (who is very much like me) by mutual friends: an older couple. The friends were also very much like me: educated, intelligent, financially well-off, honest and caring, etc.

    If I knew someone to introduce you to, I would do it in a heart beat without any compensation! But I am old enough to be your mother and don’t really know too many women in your age group.

    I suggest you find friends in your area and develop a social network while you are waiting for this endeavor to either pan out or run its course. Then ask them to find someone. It seems to work best when the friends are similar to the personality that you are looking for in a partner. (The whole “birds of a feather” thing.)

    And all the best to you in your search!

  • Dr. Stephanie B NIelsen

    Joe, I think it is brilliant and I think it will work. I just friended you on FB. I live close and have a community of young women I work with that fall into your profile. Let’s chat.! Dr. Stephanie

  • Ashley Yopp

    Teacher. Social Scientist. Research Methodologist. Modeler.
    ENFP. PhD.

    I do a great deal of research on INTJs — I’m fascinated by the dynamic nuances of this personality type and am drawn to the many brilliant ways their minds work. If only I wasn’t on the east coast! Best of luck finding the one, Joe. We’re all out there searching for our somebody.

  • Christyl smith

    Very detailed there…

  • Christina Grace

    i would like to apply for the job of being your fairy godmother. I am an INFJ, 76 years old, & have had a very adventurous life. I live alone in the beautiful mountains of Northern California. I was born in New York City where I became a filmmaker, etc.

  • Ph

    You may want to avoid western women. By western, I mean American and European. Princess Syndrome runs strong in that group. Asians and Latinos are less selfish.
    To those offended by this observation: sorry, not sorry.

  • DH

    This made me really smile!

  • Vanessa

    Love this post. I wonder if you will find someone who is enough yin to your yang if they are conscientious and very low on neuroticism. That sounds very “NT” to me and if you’re an NT, I wonder if you’d have chemistry with another NT. Food for thought. I think you can find someone in So Cal. I had three very quality friends move there in the early to mid-20’s. Down-to-earth people like the beach too. Good luck!

  • Issie

    Scary…..but creative. To me, it seems you are very picky. Which is not bad. ..but unrealistic…. with the intensity of it. Having been married 37 years – the secret to success is accept others differences and both work just at hard with give and take. Keep communication open….no matter how painful.

    Issie

  • Nature Lady

    Bravo. I’ll be curious to see if it works. I offered a $10,000 reward for help in finding a soulmate a long time ago and nobody took me up on it. I think they all thought I was kidding. Of course, you have a much larger network than I do. Best of luck!!

  • Jessica

    I recently had a psychic vision that a friend of mines true love was in Nova Scotia… well she was crazy enough to go… guess what? she actually found him in Maine on her way to Nova Scotia at a bar on bar stool, they even bickered a little upon meeting which I predicted.. anyway…. psychically I think your true love is in New Jersey she lives by the water I see a sign with a fish?? you may see or meet her at restaurant with a fish sign ??? she has shoulder length blond hair …. I don’t know if you would go… but it really freaked me out with my friend and I want to see if Im seriously that psychic…

  • Amy van

    You can be an outgoing introvert.

    What makes a person and introvert or extrovert is where they get their energy from.

    Introverts need to recharge alone, but not all introverts are shy. Once charged, they can be fully outgoing.

    And, an extrovert charges around people. But they could even be the kind of extrovert that just quietly needs to be around people.

  • Abdulrahman

    Hi Joe,

    Now you really impressed me!

    I’m 53 years old, and learned what you wrote after living many years and experiences, but here you are at only 30 years old and you know so much about women and the right marriage partner……..not sure about your knowledge of men yet ha, ha, that’s another specialty:)

    I’ll add my two cents:

    1- Just like the responder above, I was very impressed by Australian women in the age range of 25 to 35 that I met while travelling…. in terms of their high intelligence and wide knowledge, quite different in mind set to the average American woman. There is an internal “niceness” in them, probably from the previous generations moral outlook obtained from Christianity.

    2- You will be surprised, but other women who fit your add are Chinese women [ preferably Christian but not necessary]. I see many of the behaviors you want, available in mainland Chinese women….but very rare in America, which I lived in from 1989 to 1992 of which Los Angles was one location. You can find them on good dating sites, yup, takes a loooot of time, or search for Chinese American women who did nor grow up in the USA, but came here from college onward. Most Chinese women make good wives because they believe that marriage is a team effort with man and wife, and not a fight event…..

    3- It will take a miracle to find that women you described, …too many personality perfections requested, I would say accept 75% of your ideal package in a women and you will be happy in marriage…:)

    4- I love your openness, its vary valuable in finding that right person. I do not see you as being narcisstic; you are just proud of where you reached in life. I hope you will always remember that it’s god who opens the doors of knowledge to us, and he gave you the basis of your intelligence which is a major advantage.

    Abdulrahman

  • Alicia

    Move to Israel!
    Very cute – I’ll think about who I know (and donate the money) 😉

  • An ESTP

    An Extroverted INTJ? Might want to check your honesty because it makes you a risky endeavor and so does the fact that you have to buy a girlfriend. Stereotype your local area all you want, you’re just pushing the blame onto others and taking none of it yourself. I get the feeling you are narcissistic. I hope we don’t read about your hired companion turning up face down in a river.

    That said, you could be a great guy. The problem is your article is riddled with contradiction, demands the woman be unrealically perfect, offers money to fill the job opening (That is what this has become, right?), and allows others to sell females to you (I mean, really. Think about it.) like they are lost objects with a finders fee…

    Good luck, my friend. I think you will need it (Unless the world has really become as mindless and hopeless as I think it has… and if that’s the case, you won’t be finding your definition of a Soulmate, you’ll just be getting the women that convince themselves they fit your description. For your information, any woman who thinks she fits that description fails your test by proxy… your request is a catch 22. If they think they’re perfect, they’re going to be less interested in you than they are in themselves)

    An ESTP

  • Karen

    If you are extroverted you are an ENTJ. The ‘I’ stands for introverted.

  • Michael Golowyn

    Great post. Funny as I’m starting a business helping people through grief of lost love and finding their ideal mate. I have studied and trained with Dr John Demartini for last 7 years practicing his methods to clear our subconcious blocks which are blocking us from attracting what we want.

    You say you are looking for a long term relationship, well im going tell you you already have one. Your ideal woman is spread across many forms right now, but because we fragment out the things we want but unresolved issues in our subconscious blocks us from having those things we want in the 1 form. So they are fragemented out into many, and these are difficult to identify, but in reality nothing is missing.

    Anyway, I dont need the money but I am looking for a case study to work with to deliver their ideal mate within a week of completing the process. I have honed John Demartinis methodolgy to work with just this niche – attracting our ideal mate. I cannot guarantee you will stay together for ever as we all need to expand and grow at our own pace, but i can guarantee in you meeting your current ideal in a partner. If you’re interested to learn more feel free to connect with me on [email protected].
    Cheers
    Michael

  • Giggiry

    This post screams autism

  • Dafne Zaruvabeli

    Amaaazing!!! I honestly enjoyed every word of your profile. I really wish you find your perfect match! I have tons of cousins and friends here in Great Neck NY but im not sure they would move to Cali. Its too bad because you sound like the perfect guy!! Good luck!!

  • Antonio

    Real “women” would not complain about something so petty. Hence, Joe’s problem. Women ant guys to jump through all these irrelevant hoops.

  • Antonio

    You do realize a girl can play this game for four months. You’re paying them 2,500 a month.

  • Sarah Elliott

    Ingenious!! I love the creativity and attention to details.

    I can’t wait to see how this plays out for you. Wishing you the best of luck!!!

  • Tanya McIvor

    Haha Joe, I love it!! I have a soft spot for INTJ’s as 2 of my kids are INTJ. So if I were a wee bit younger and lived in the US I’d actually be very interested. 🙂 🙂 I’m INFJ myself so I understand the struggle. :/ I wish you all the best, and while many may think it’s a crazy idea, your personality and sincerely shines through. 🙂 I’d just like to say darn it once again ( I’ve said it many times already to myself) that you are too far away and (only) slightly too young. 🙂 🙂

  • Sara Tamames

    I found this brilliant! Reading about your personality type before, I understand how you would decide to try something like this. I hope it works out for you to find someone compatible!
    I am currently in a relationship with an ENTJ type and when I was reading about the INTJ information you have here I was laughing as I recognized so much of myself as well as my boyfriend in it (I am INFJ bordering on E).

  • Joseph

    Hate to burst your bubble but you are not an intj.

  • Lisa

    Oh Joe just let it all go, be yourself and come out to Australia. It all sounds too intense and over thinking it. You didn’t need to change yourself and surroundings. We’re an astute bunch and we’re all looking for what you’re looking for. Lots of woman here who are the balance of direct and down to earth, intelligent and attractive. I’ve been to LA and it reminds me of sydney Australia ( except our beaches totally nail Malibu and our Harbour is gorgeous) but the point is it would be an easy transition for either of you. Get yourself over here.

  • Alisha

    If only I was 10 years younger… good luck Joe!

  • Melinda

    Your requirements include falling in the very favorable range on each and every one of the big 5 personality traits. As a psychologist, I have to wonder if you realize how rare that would be, even if you did not consider any of your other requirements.

    1. Joseph M. Cohen

      No one said it would be easy to find this person 🙂

  • BPip

    This is hilarious and ingenious Joe!

  • Florence Lee Hajas

    Joe, please start to see “girls” as WOMEN and I think you will increase your chances. If you want a 16-year-old girlfriend, then the use of the word “girl” is appropriate. Otherwise, we’re “women” over the age of 17. Good luck with your search. Thanks for all the info you give us.

    1. Joseph M. Cohen

      Thanks for the tip, I changed the post 🙂

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